Daisuki~

The Arbiter

I seriously don’t know what to do. The only thing in my mind right now is panic! Sheer P-A-N-I-C! This misunderstanding that my parents have is getting worse each day. Yes, EACH FREAKING DAY since I went home for summer vacation.

About five days ago, just right after I got home from Manila, they had an argument about some issue I don’t want to elaborate further. At first, it seemed to be normal, you know, one of those fights that gets forgotten the next morning. And then I was surprised to see the wine bottle we were saving for my younger sister’s graduation already empty. The inside was very dry as if every single droplet of wine evaporated due to the heat of their argument. My mom drank the wine until its very last drop. Then the cold war began.

The next day after that, it was Sunday, PALM SUNDAY, and we did not go to mass together as a family. My mom went to church early then went somewhere to cool down. I was the mom for the day since she left nothing. Being the eldest, I have to cook and do all the chores. She probably just needed time to cool down..or so I thought.

It continued until this day. I spent time with my dad trying to understand his side of the story. My mom told me hers last night. Finally tonight they spoke once again but there was no improvement. It even became WORSE. 

I want to turn up to volume of our stereo just to distract my sister. She’s not a kid anymore but I tried my best to hide the situation to her since I don’t want her to worry. They are screaming their lungs out right now and I don’t know what to do. Usually, when my parents fight, my sister and I just try to sleep so that we won’t hear them fighting. But the situation is so serious right now that I can’t sleep because I’m afraid of what might happen if I’m not there. Being the one in the middle is the worst position for me.

All I could do was pray..the whole time. I don’t want to interfere since I want them to sort this out by themselves. They calmed down a little bit now.. I, too, am calming myself down.. This week is even a Holy Week and all these things are happening. It is supposed to be a week of repentance, sacrifice, and most importantly PEACE. I decided to post this since I don’t know how to relieve myself. I don’t want to cry anymore because my sister might see me and worry.

Please help me pray for my parents. Lord, please give us all peace of mind.. T_________T

Stages of Friendship

March 24, 2012 (Saturday)

To Nathan *******,

When a stranger doesn’t hesitate helping you. It makes you realize that kind and unselfish people still exist. Besides, we are all strangers in each other’s eyes before becoming friends. I hope more people are like you. And I hope I meet and become friends with people like you— especially, with you. Really, thank you very much. We were just mere classmates under one cold professor.

You saved a part of my academic life. And I’m veeerrrryyy thankful. You’re one of the persons worth meeting. I really can’t see how I’m gonna pass this course before I met you. You’re not just a genius student like the others who are super competitive and only cares for their own grades and studies. I’m glad we became classmates and groupmates. If not for that group exercise, I might not have met you, have the guts to talk to you and ask for your help. It was because you were so patient in making us, your groupmates, understand the concepts in programming during that day. You even made some notes, taught hints and techniques, and stressed important concepts in programming. I learned to enjoy and appreciate this subject even just a little bit because of your efforts. And in our final machine problem where I don’t understand anything and kinda accepted defeat, you made yourself available when I asked you for help. Considering that I don’t really know you.

While you’re helping me, I appreciate that you didn’t just give me the code but you made me analyze and think for a solution by myself and you’re just there to guide me. So when I finished it, I was really happy, satisfied, and proud of myself. You didn’t do the work for me so I’m confident that I’m the one who did it. You made me realize that I’m smarter than I think and accomplish such tasks if I really work hard for it. Maybe that’s why you’re blessed.  

Hontou ni, arigatou gozaimasu. I wish you all the best in your academic endeavors. And I hope someday I can somehow do something for you too. So that you can experience the kindness you gave to me. Also, I promise to do the same to others. See you around, Nathan~ :3

Shiyanrin :))

From complete strangers, to being an acquaintance, to being a constant companion, until valuing each other like family. Friendship. I hope this is not the end of me meeting awesome people and (potential) friends. ;D 

People Worth Noting

Time-travel to highschool :)

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, 
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill, 
When the funds are low and the debts are high, 
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 
When care is pressing you down a bit, 
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns, 
As every one of us sometimes learns, 
And many a failure turns about, 
When he might have won had he stuck it out; 
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow— 
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than, 
It seems to a faint and faltering man, 
Often the struggler has given up, 
When he might have captured the victor’s cup, 
And he learned too late when the night slipped down, 
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out— 
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, 
And you never can tell how close you are, 
It may be near when it seems so far, 
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit— 
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

Dai ikka (Lesson 1)

Realizing that the day I decided to enroll this class and sat beside them during our first class meeting was not just a coincidence. Then, being in the same group with them was like the push we needed to get to know and spend time with each other. Soon, we became friends and without being so much aware, our after class mirienda session became our bonding time. Moreover, it somehow became part of our daily routines.

三月二十日二０一ニ年　(March 20, 2012)

火曜日　(Tuesday)

Minna-san he, (Dear All,)

I don’t know how to say this without sounding corny and overly dramatic. I’m also a bit afraid that you may think that I’m overthinking the things we did for the past months. I know there are still lots of things we don’t know about each other. Maybe, I am assuming that you consider me as your friend too. I also think it’s too early to conclude. The following sentence are my message to all of you.

—-

Abi-san.. Abi-san wa kono nihongo no kurasu de atashi no ichiban no hito ni hanashimashita. Oboitemasu ka? Sorekara, Abi-san wa atashi no tomodachi desu. Atashitachi wa nihongo no kurasu no katsudou de itsumo paatonaa. Arigatou gozaimasu. 

 (Abi, you were the first person I talked to in Japanese class. Do you still remember? Since then, you became my friend. You were always my partner in our japanese class activities. Thank you.).

—-

Dianne-san to Rovz-san mo, arigatou gozaimasu! (Dianne and kuya Rovz too, thanks.)  We just recently started hanging out so I’m still trying to be familiar with the things about you. Nonetheless, I think we are off to a good start. Just a while ago, we are talking about applying for a scholarship in Japan and going there together. We thought about continuing our “foodtrip” sessions there. The only glitch was that we’re not sure if we can still do this in the future since we are pursuing different courses so our schedules might not fit anymore. I don’t know if you’re thinking about this, but, lately, I am..

I appreciate you inviting me to join you. You knew each other since high school but you didn’t make me feel out of place.

—-

Jona Sensei mo, arigatou gozaimashita! We’re very lucky to have you as our instructor. One of the best class I’ve experienced. You brought the best in us. Again, salamat po.

—-

It makes me feel a little sad and lonely again since starting next sem, there’s a huge possibility that we’ll never meet. And I’ll never get to know all of you better.

Remember the title of Lesson 1 of our textbook? “Atarashii no Tomodachi” (“New Friend/s”).  Our first lesson was about meeting new people, new friends. It taught us how to introduce ourselves and how to ask each other’s names and other informations. I realized now how those words became concrete. More than a title for the first lesson of a japanese textbook.

Today, the only sure thing is that I’ll see you for two more days, this coming Thursday and Friday. Then, either a “see you later” or a “goodbye” will happen. 

This goes for everyone who is a part of Hapon 10-11. Before this sem ends I want to say thanks for exceeding my expectations in Hapon 10-11. I gained new knowledge, moreover, new friends. We all kept our words when we were told by everyone during the first day of class this very important sentence, “Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.” (“Please take care of me”/ “I’m in your hands from now on”).

Looking forward for a “Mata ne.” (“See you later.”) instead of a “Sayounara.” (“Goodbye.”).

Minna-san, otsukare sama deshita. Mainichi wa omoshirokute tanoshikatta desu! Minna wa totemo sugokatta desu yo. Arigatou gozaimashita. Ki wo tsukete. Jaa , mata ne. (Good job, everyone. It was fun! Thanks for everything. Take care. Later~)

Shiyanrin yori. (Yours truly, Shiyanrin.) <3

I’m shy to let them see this message but I have to let go of these thoughts. I’ll probably just post parts of it. The less corny parts. XD

Can we talk in private?

Until now, I don’t think I really know what I wanted to do with my life. Yes, I’ve narrowed it down to specific things. And now, I’m trying to pursue all of them and see what things I’ll love the more than the others; to see what I’ll choose to do in the future. But I’m afraid that I’ll have to search for it for so long that when I finally know what to do with my life, I’ve run out with opportunities, time, resources, and… youth.

It’s probably because everyone’s changing. They’re all growing up. We are all growing and I afraid that I may only be growing physically but not emotionally or psychologically. In filipino, “Tumatanda pero walang pinagkakatandaan.”. 

My situation right now is like when you’re taking a multiple choice exam. The direction is simple to choose the best answer. However, when as you read the question and decide for an answer, all of the choices seem correct. Then, you panic. You force yourself to choose. Your answer will define what happens next. It’s mostly confusion which leads to frustration.

Right now, I’m right at the middle of my “defining” years and I find myself in a very difficult position. It just gets tougher everyday and sometimes I doubt myself if I can finish what I started. On the other hand, I don’t consider quitting as an option since if I switch to another path, I have to start again and so what if I’m faced with hardships again.. The cycle will just repeat.

Because I’m constantly under so much pressure and stress, I became confused with my situation and lacked confidence that my choices were really based on my true feelings and not because I panicked and was forced to choose. Now, I end up asking a lot of pessimistic questions.

I’m probably like this because I know, in less than a month, tests will again try me. And in this state right now, it can really make or break a person. I’ve been thinking of talking to my parents about this post but I don’t know how to initiate the conversation. It’s been bugging me for a week now and I really need some good advice and they can effortlessly make me feel at ease and safe.

It’s hard when you’re the only one looking out for yourself… :\

——

Do you approach your parents on situations like this? How?

Saizen Mise = Heaven

Mise is the Japanese word for shop or store while saizen literally means “best choice”. Here in the Philippines, Daiso (the company who owns Saizen shops) opened stores mostly in Ayala or Robinsons Malls. I had a fascination for Japan for a while now and last December our professor in Hapon class suggested this store where we can buy Japanese gifts for our classmates. It’s a good place if you want to shop for things imported from Japan plus the items are all 85Php. Although, some things (i think) must be sold below 85 pesos, so, you have to weigh if it’s really worth 85Php.

As of now, it’s my closest connection to Japan and knowing Japan, cuteness is usually associated with their goods. They also play Japanese songs. It’s just my second time to go there. It feels like heaven everytime. XD My midterm exams were finally over so I went to the mall to unwind and treat myself. I also bought a cute pair of chopsticks and some other things as a reward. I believe I earned it. I’m excited to use it later for dinner!

The funny thing a while ago was that I spent about 20 minutes deciding what design of chopsticks to buy. Also, since I went there at 11am there were only three of us shopping, the saleslady checked up on me because I was staying at that aisle for a long time. Maybe she thought I’m doing something fishy. :3 In the end, I decided to just buy the other cute pairs next time I unwind. I stuck to my budget even if there are lots of cute stuffs I want to grab. (Hurray for my self-control~) I also didn’t get to taste the Japanese cream puffs at SM.

I might start a collection of chopsticks and some cute Japanese whatnots. I’m not one of those “girly girls” but I want to start collecting cute Japanese (yes, it has to be japan related) things..I kind of hate the idea of it being “girly” though. However, each person is entitled to a weird liking. I guess..

Well, after two weeks I have exams again so you might see me there. I’ll try to buy chocolates there on Valentine’s Day. Chocolates for myself, of course. :P After a few years, I hope to travel to Japan to experience the real thing.

Jaa~ Posuto wo yonde kurete arigatou gozaimasu! :3

(Thank you for reading my post! Bye~ :3 )